Sticks and Stones and the High Holy Days

I hope I don’t shock anyone with the news that the High Holy Days are around the corner. I prepare for them in a way that touches the totality of the human experience. I plan my recipes, shop for my food, secure my brisket and make sure my guests handle the deserts. I also ponder my existence, review my year, and think about my faults and how I can improve. In short, I take care of my body and my soul.

For some reason this year I keep hearing the childhood rhyme replaying repeatedly in my head.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”

But during this high Holy Day prep mode I keep hearing myself asking , “ Oh Really?”.

Why is it that the Al Chet confessional prayer that we say 9 times just before and on Yom Kippur lists sins of the mouth at least 8 times in each saying? For those who are not familiar with the prayer it looks a lot like my shopping list on Amazon. The list is compiled by me telling Alexa to add something whenever I go to the cupboard, or the fridge and realize that I am out of something or am about to be after I use the product. In other words, it is a long list of items that are compiled by need and are entirely random.

So too the Al Chet list is composed of many sins that I may (or may not) have committed during the last year. Imagine a shopping list of sins compiled for your confessing needs printed and waiting for you to check off what you need to change.

The list may be random, but one thing is not. No part of the body, that could be a source for the sins, is listed as often as sins that originate in the mouth. As I said before, at least 8 sins come from the mouth. So maybe words are more lethal than we give them credit for.

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I think words that leave the mouth are stronger than the hand that holds the pen.

There are the words that we say that hurt deeply and there are the words we should have said but don’t, that can hurt as well.

There are also words that are a blessing, that strengthen and encourage, that comfort and inspire.

The Talmud tells the story of Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel who one day sent his servant, Tabbai, to the market to buy him some “good food.” Tabbai bought him a tongue. ( Perhaps from Ye Olde Ben’s deli)

Then, the Rabbi sent Tabbai to buy him some “bad food.” Again, the servant brought back a tongue. When his master asked him why he purchased a tongue in response to such diverse instructions, he explained:

“The tongue is both good and bad. When it is good, there is nothing better. When it is bad, there is nothing worse.”

The tongue can tell great truths, but it can tell even bigger lies. We live in a time of incredible instantaneous communication and perhaps not unrelated, the greatest time for public lies in the history of the world. It is a plague that truly threatens the fabric of our society. If we can’t believe each other, we have no trust in each other. If we have no trust in each other, we have no society that can survive.

Could a mind-bending stupidity like QAnon exist in world without lies?

First, we had Pizzagate. People heard the absurd lies about a cabal of high ranking Democrats who were pedophiles and ran a child sex ring in the basement of the Comet Pin Pong pizzeria in Washington. A man form North Carolina believed it and came armed to save the kids in the basement. Only in a world overtaken by lies could this be seen as the truth.

Could the absurdity of QAnon who resurrected the conspiracy theory of Pizzagate in 2020 ever exist in a world when most people could distinguish between truth and Pinocchio sized lies?

Jewish space lasers firing down on California and causing the forest fires there?

In a world that has known big time lies often hurled against the Jews, this one ranks supreme, but could it have gotten any traction in a world that was not so used to telling lies?

Tucker Carlson repeats the lie called replacement theory. The Jews are planning to take over the world and replace the white workers of America with a flood of refugees from third world countries. Not surprising a group of white racist protest in Charlottsville chanting, “Jews will not replace us.” This could only happen in a world where lies run free and unchecked?

Harmful words are not limited to the world of politics or to lies. The unfair criticism of our children, or the lack of any words of praise when warranted, leave a serious hurt on the children we supposedly love the most.

How many of us can still hear a parental put down, or still miss the much needed words of confidence that never came and that affected our sense of self?

How about the damage that can last a lifetime from the experience of peers who hurt us while growing up?

A woman wrote about her experience in school and what words did to her.

“I distinctly remember the day I allowed someone to define me. I was in fourth grade, and the teacher had just assigned the students to work in small groups. I was placed in a group with X, the cutest boy in fourth grade. I pulled my chair over next to his, blushing furiously the whole time because I was in such close proximity to the cutest boy I’d ever seen. He leaned back in his chair, smirked, and said,

‘Did you know you’re the ugliest girl in the school?’

Don’t ask me why, but I believed him. And I died a shy little girl’s death. Only formerly shy little girls know the slow, heart‑crumbling‑into‑a‑thousand‑pieces…. in a shy little girl’s death.”

Last night I watched the Emmy Awards.

Lizzo won an Emmy and went to the platform to speak.

Teary eyed she said, “When I was a little girl, all I wanted to see was me in the media. Someone fat like me, Black like me, beautiful like me. ..”

Can you imagine all the hurtful words she heard as a child growing up?

Of course you can because, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can really hurt me.

I want to wish all my readers a sweet new year, and for those who follow me and are not Jewish I wish you all a sweet year regardless of when your year begins. May we all be more honest and more kind to each other.

As always please share with friends and family and those who would like to subscribe, send me an email at ravpp1@gmail.com and give me your full name and email address.

I hope to have some amazing news to share with you all in the next blog.