Kippah or Cap
This past Monday I made it to my one and only Stanley Cup Playoff game. It was a horrible game for my beloved Florida Panthers team, but it contained an interesting experience. For many years between periods, I hang out with some of my section “neighbors” and talk about the team, the players and who is and is not performing well that game. It is one of the few places in the world that I get treated like a person and not a Rabbi. It took years to get there.
One of my neighbors who sat directly behind me would swear and then say, “Sorry Rabbi”. I asked him why he was apologizing since I can have a potty mouth when I play or watch sports. He would say, “Yes but you are a Rabbi”.
I would tell him that before I was a Rabbi I was Paul, and Paul always swore when frustrated in playing or watching sports. Indeed, if you can’t stand swearing, don’t play golf with me.
He continued to swear and apologize, until one day I turned around and unleashed a stream of every swear word I knew including every variation of the F word. He finally got the message and stopped.
I have enjoyed that free space ever since which is why what happened that night was so startling. From the depths of compassion and empathy he asked me a “Rabbi” question.
My uniform at the games is a Panthers jersey and usually a Panther cap. Sometimes I forget that I have a kippah on and put my cap over it. Other times I take it off and leave it at home while wearing the cap. On one of those days years ago he asked why I didn’t take off my cap for the national anthem and I told him it was a religious thing to cover my head and that taking off my cap was not acceptable.
Monday I wore a kippah and no cap and I did it on purpose. He didn’t know that but took me aside and asked, “Aren’t you afraid to wear the skull cap in these times?”
I commended him on his observational skills and said it was no accident. It was a thoughtful premediated action. I told him, “I was damned if I was going to give these F…..ng antisemites the satisfaction of making me go into some form of hiding.”
What comes next? A yellow star of David patch on my Panther uniform?
No, I am a proud Zionist Jew and if in my advanced age I need to be a fighter then so be it, but I am not hiding who I am, and what I believe in. I’ve had a good ride for almost 74 years as a Canadian and then American, who felt lucky to be born after the Holocaust in countries that assured me that it would never happen again, not in these countries. I may no longer feel as safe as I once did, but behavior based on fear is unacceptable.
Later this same week something else happened. I was in the city of Squamish BC Canada, Jewish population about 10 minyans. I was in a chain drug store called London Drugs. London Drugs is like CVS on steroids. Need a script filled, candies, appliances, big screen TVs etc. They have it.
I was walking in an aisle trying to find my wife. Choosing an aisle to find her is as hard as choosing which check out line to choose. I always choose the shortest and inevitably find the one with a problematic person ahead and watch all the other people who came in after me; leaving the store as I stand and watch 4 people from the store descending on the line to resolve the problem. (I have partially resolved that dilemma; I have learned how to do self-checkout).
Again, I am not wearing my usual hat but am going bare kippah. I pass a couple who are browsing when I hear, “Shalom, mah shlomcha?”. I respond in Hebrew and say “ I am fine how are you?” He then responds in English with a heavy English accent. We introduce ourselves and quickly try to explain what 2 non-Israelis are doing in Squamish speaking Hebrew to each other. A little while later he asks me if I feel safe walking around in my Kippah.
“Really” I think to myself. Three days later and the same question, not in the USA but in Canada. This time not from a gentile but a Jew. I give him the short version answer, he acknowledges what I say, and then tells me of a dinner party he recently hosted with his neighbors all of whom are gentiles since he is the only Jew in his development. One was an ex-military officer who couldn’t have been more supportive of Israel. He understood that you can’t suffer Hamas on your border.
I think to myself. Look at what I experienced because of wearing a Kippah. I was making one statement of pride and defiance that I thought I was making to some in the non-Jewish world and forgot that I was also making a statement of solidarity with my own people.
So if I am not hiking, swimming or playing golf, and the question is Kippah or cap the answer will now be Kippah.
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