A Pre-Rosh Hashana reflection in the Covid Era

What I have learned in the last 6 months

A Pre-Rosh Hashana introspection after 6 months of Covid Lockdown

We are on the precipice of the weirdest Rosh Hashana in our lives. Most of us will not be in our synagogues praying with our shule friends, listening to the familiar melodies, and gathering for joyous meals with family and friends. Some of us will pray through Zoom, some by ourselves, and some I assume will not be praying at all this year. Nevertheless, there is one aspect of the season we can all surely do and that is an introspective evaluation of our life and the determination to make it better for next year. In that spirit I have asked myself what I have learned in the last six months of lockdown.

I want to share my insights with you before Rosh Hashana, along with a prayer that there will be a cure found this year and that we will all be able to return to whatever the new normal will be.

My seat at shule called to say it is missing me.

None of my grandchildren have grown at all in 6 months. They are all still little people in a Zoom box.

We had one grandchild Zoom Bat Mitzvah in August, we anticipate another Zoom Bar Mitzvah in May, and we are starting to plan a third in 2 years, but hope it will be live and not Zoom.

My wife and I have grown closer except for the times I have wanted to kill her!

Playing golf in South Florida during the summer after 10am is a violation of the Geneva Convention on torture.

I still use disinfectant wipes on all boxes and containers I bring in from Publix and leave all mail for 24 hours before I open it, even though doctors and researchers say I do not have to. I guess when it comes to Covid I am “Orthodox”, because in cases with so much conflicting information I follow the stricter pathway.

Time breeds a false sense of security. I now stay in Publix longer than I have been or need to.

Time breeds lapsed behavior in others. At a funeral in the cemetery chapel with only 16 people all wearing a mask and social distancing, I stand behind the lectern and begin the service. I then invite 2 sons to come up to speak one at a time. I walk away and sit by myself in the front row at the other side of the room. The first son walks up, takes off his mask and speaks, then sits down and his brother comes up takes off his mask and speaks. Each brother speaks loudly and projects. As this is happening, I imagine millions of little particles floating in the air above the lectern. It is now my time to return and conclude the chapel service. What should I do? Returning to the podium is not an option. I rise and stand a few feet in front of me at the end of the casket and conclude the service with the El Maaleh Rachamim. What part of aerosol particles don’t you get?

If you are talking to me and we are both wearing masks, and I cannot hear you clearly, or you cannot hear me, please do not come close to me to speak or hear.

So far, I have not gotten Covid or even a cold. Poo Poo Poo (spit)

I have fallen in love with Nicole Wallace!

I do not know what Ivanka means, but I know I will not like it.

Turning 70 this year means I am now old enough to be considered a viable candidate for the presidency.

My French is improving as I watch 50 hours of the great French espionage series, “The Bureau” in French with sub-titles.

Ina Garten is the treifest Jewish chef I know. Who puts butter into Challah?

Florida Panthers’ coaches want to get fired so they can go to another team and lead them far into the playoffs.

Dolphin owner Stephen Ross has hosted a fundraiser for President Trump but later said he disagreed with many of his policies and wasn’t sure who he would vote for in the election; and we wonder why the Dolphins have no identity?

I do not know what I will miss more this Rosh Hashana, davening with a full shule or having many friends over for lunch applauding my brisket.

A new definition of the term, “ass backwards”. Blowing the shofar with your back to the congregation so the shofar does not launch aerosol particles at the listeners.

This year we should add one more Al Chet to the list. “For the sin of not wearing a mask in public”

Shanna Tova.

As always share with friends and family and invite them to join by emailing me at ravpp1@gmail.com